


I Still Need

by yutakoball



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, I AM SORRY, M/M, Sad, very short oneshot, yujae broke up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 13:40:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17184050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yutakoball/pseuds/yutakoball
Summary: In which Yuta and Jaehyun split after what seemed to be a serious relationship between them. Though no matter how much he doesn't want to admit it, Yuta seems like he's affected by the split more than he had hoped for.Part 1 of yujae breakup au.





	I Still Need

Love is a beautifully terrifying thing.

It made my heart beat out of my chest, filled butterflies in my stomach and made me speechless as flowers filled the lump of my throat.

But when it's all dead and gone; that same heart beats out of my chest for one last time, only to shatter into a hundred million pieces to the floor. The butterflies in my stomach grew too large in population. They go mad in my stomach; colliding with one another, making me sick as I regurgitate at every single, painful thought of you. And the flowers? They grew thorns, piercing through my throat as the taste of blood with pain, shame and utter sadness are mixed into one.

And yet each time I find myself sat in the middle of the four walls that surrounded me, with thoughts wandering around the darkest depths of my mind as I feel my soul desperately trying to claw its way out of my body;

I still found myself missing it.

Wanting it.

Craving it.

Sometimes even

_**Needing it.** _

With my head buried in my hands and eyes staring at the cold hard ground, I laughed a bitter laugh.

_How pathetic._

Here I was, surrounded by nothing but torn up papers, shattered glass and broken pieces of various items that laid on every part of the floor, giving no room for anyone to step in or out. If you look close enough, you can even find pieces of my broken heart in the pile too. Exhausted and unfixable; that's the person I've come to become. I keep telling myself that I needed time to heal, but at the rate I'm going, I don't think I ever will. Amidst the broken frames of pictures that holds heart-wrenching memories, all I could think of right now was the fact that there was this permanent void in my heart that could not be filled; no matter how hard I try.

You made me lose hope.

You left me clueless, unfixable and exhausted.

You manipulated me into thinking we could be forever.

You left me fighting alone in that war of emotions between us.

And as much as I want to hate you, how I want to despise you with every being of my soul to ease this aching soul of mine, I know I can't.

Because the only way to do that is for me to get back to you.

You kept me grounded with just one smile. The way you said my name was more than just music to my ears. It was a sense of comfort every time I hear it, giving me reassurance that you were still there for me. Your hugs warm the soul within me as they embedded your scent into my brain. It was more than just a simple relationship. You knew me more than I knew myself, you brought colour to this dark, monochrome world. You knew about love more than I did, and you showed me what it was, what it meant.

You made me feel like I was the greatest, most blessed and happiest human on earth with your presence.

You also made me feel like the saddest, most pathetic and pained human on earth the second you decided to leave.

I still miss you.

I still love you.

_I still need you._

And I can't help but hate myself for constantly crawling back to the thought of you, to us, just to make sure I keep myself sane knowing that we, like most things, were once beautiful too. However, just like most things, sometimes beautiful won't suffice.

Love is a beautifully terrifying thing, and I blamed you for it.

God would I be lying if I said that I would've wanted to experience it again with anybody else but you.

**Author's Note:**

> i wILL write more happier yujae okay i swear rnfjkw the second part will be up! i hope you still liked this one though!


End file.
